Soham Parekh

📍 Location: Everywhere and Nowhere | 🕐 Availability: 24/7 (allegedly)

🧪 About the Role-

We’re hiring a Soham Parekh – someone who can simultaneously handle multiple tasks while maintaining the illusion of being “fully dedicated” to each. You’ll juggle multiple calendars, Slack identities, and whatsapp groups like a Cirque du Soleil performer on Red Bull.

💼 Key Responsibilities-

• Attend multiple client meetings at the same time. Bonus points if you speak in vague but convincing tech-speak.
• Push just enough content to keep all CMOs hopeful.
• Master the art of ghosting without losing access.
• Keep Notion boards updated—across clients you forgot you even worked for.
• Build trust, then deploy… yourself elsewhere.

🛠 Requirements-

• 5+ years of experience in “just exploring”
• Ability to say "bandwidth is tight right now" in 7 tones of sincerity
• Familiarity with time zones, VPNs, and alternate email aliases
• Must have a master's degree in Tab Management
• Ethical ambiguity preferred

🎯 Bonus: If you can craft cold emails so good, they feel warm.

🎁 Perks-

• Multiple equity grants (none of which will vest)
• Infinite Slack emojis of confusion and respect
• Free burnout (comes bundled with guilt)

🚫 Disclaimer:

This is just a joke. If you have read this far, you won't apply.