Emotional Support Partner

The job is for a Full-Time Friend, Part-Time Therapist, and Occasional Meme Distributor in a remote location with emotional closeness. Your responsibilities include being the first to react with "bro u good " when a sad story is shared, offering chai-based therapy, listening without judgment, suggesting without forcing, hyping up like a unicorn startup just launched, occasionally screaming "YOU GOT THIS" over voice note, and remembering tiny details like preferences. As a candidate, you should be emotionally intelligent, capable of handling deep conversations at 3 am and equally dumb memes by 3:10 am, respond with "here for you always" at least once a week, follow a zero ghosting policy, prioritize loyalty over logic and kindness over KPIs. The compensation for this position includes unlimited emotional support, co-created inside jokes, random playlists for every mood, lifetime free access to the rant library, and a friend who is fully committed to wins and wipeouts. If this job description resonates with you, please express your interest by commenting "IM IN" below. This role aims to build trust in a distracted world rather than just forming a team.,